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Testing the digital waters before diving in

You’re a young woman who’s just moved to Wayne and you’re looking to meet some new female friends.

The conventional wisdom might tell you to turn off the computer and get yourself out and about; perchance you’ll run into the perfect gal pal at yoga class or at the Starbucks on Route 23.

Internet sages, however, might tell you it’s more efficient to log on to GirlFriendCircles.com and type in your friendship criteria: “Someone who likes happy hour, discussing novels, and painstakingly analyzing the many flaws of the male species.”

You’re a middle-aged man with a sudden desire to learn to dance. You could find a willing partner and sign up for the ballroom dance classes at the Rutherford Adult School.

Or, if you’re too self-conscious, you could watch a pair of white Nikes move across a screen on learntodance.com.

You’re a mother with a daughter who has her own sense of style, one that’s a creative world apart from what the trendy stores at Westfield Garden State Plaza are selling. You could pull out a Singer and teach her how to load the bobbin with thread. But you might find it easier to visit FashionPlaytes.com, where your tween can design the outfit of her dreams and then send away for it rather than sewing it herself.

The Internet is said sometimes to divide us: the techies from the non-techies, the ones who see online opportunities where others see only a digital disconnect.

But as the Internet revolution marches on, ever-changing Web options allow us to test the digital waters before diving into a real-life experience.

Pre-screening

Beginning a romance online has become more and more commonplace, so why not begin a friendship the same way?

“It’s actually really hard to meet somebody offline,” says Shasta Nelson, life coach and founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, which launched in June 2009. “There’s no protocol for walking up to somebody and asking, ‘Hey, wanna go on a friends date?’ “

Her website allows women to pre-screen each other before arranging to get together in small groups. The site, which costs $29.95 for three months of access, is intended only as a precursor to an offline relationship.

Those accustomed to Googling before buying a pair of sneakers or a car might also want to try an online sailing school before buying a boat (NauticEd.org), or to meet with a plastic surgeon online before getting a facelift or a nose job (surgeonhousecall.com).

“We’re in a day and age where people almost know what kind of car they want before they walk onto the sales lot,” said Dr. Jason L. Mussman, founder of two-year-old surgeonhousecall.com, which has been used by more than 500 patients.

So the practice of visiting a half-dozen plastic surgeons in their offices before choosing the one you want to do your breast lift, he theorized, is “going to kind of go the way of shopping around from car lot to car lot.”

Each patient creates a password-protected Facebook-like profile, perhaps even including pictures of the area they want altered, and receives a price quote. Mussman calls it a pre-consultation, not a replacement for the physical exam necessary before an operation.

A similar “not a replacement” caveat is offered by Anderson Moore, creator of learntodance.com.

Moore said beginner dance students can avoid embarrassment learning the fundamentals at home – and save money.

“Before you’re paying someone that kind of money to teach you, you can have the fundamentals in place,” said Moore, who charges only for the DVDs he sells, not the online tutorials on everything from hip-hop moves to the tango.

No time to sew

For some, the interactivity of the Web could offer an easier-to-grasp picture than a written how-to manual might, said Grant Headifen, creator of NauticEd.org, which offers a “skipper” course for $67.50. “People don’t have time to pick up a book and thumb through 200 to 300 pages.”

While the dance and sailing sites merely seek to simulate or supplement the real-life activity, there are others that intend to serve as outright substitutes, such as FashionPlaytes.com.

“The reality is nowadays you’ve got moms that don’t have time today to sit down at the Singer,” says Valerie Fox, vice president of marketing for the nine-month-old site, where the cost of each pair of pants or jean jacket goes up with every button or appliqué added.

“I think that women today are passing on different skills to their daughters, more on the lines of budgeting their money – sewing is not high on the list.”

It’s perhaps the online activities such as that one, which seek to supplant old-fashioned traditions, that most unnerve the unplugged.

But research has found that the Internet does not isolate people in the way many believed it might, said Jeffrey Boase, assistant professor of communications at Rutgers University.

“Definitely there’s always been a concern that sites like these not be used to replace activities that are best done in person,” Boase said. “But it seems a lot of these sites can serve as an entry to an activity or a relationship, not as a replacement.”

E-mail: trautwein@northjersey.com and diskin@northjersey.com